Sacrificing Love
by aries03
Summary: What is Sam and Jack had a history together before SG-1 that would explain the longing glances and the deep friendship?
1. Chapter 1

She sat on the cold, metal bench in front of her new desk. She didn't know why this was happening to her. Just two weeks prior, she had been so happy.

_"Samantha Carter, will you marry me?"_

_"Yes."_

Then, they were both assigned to go to Abydos through the Stargate. At the time, nobody was aware that they had a personal relationship going...actually, nobody does even now. She had met him at an Air Force awards ceremony and had no idea that one day she would be called to a situation directly in his chain of command. The General had explained how vital the SGC was to the safety of their country, and that was something that she never had the heart to turn down, even for the man of her dreams.

_"Sam, I think we need to talk about things."_

_"I think we do, too. Jack, I just don't know if I can pass up this opportunity."_

_"I know the feeling."_

_"I mean, I had always dreamed about exploring space as an astronaut. This is way better than that. I just can't explain it. Plus, there's a huge threat out there that our country needs us for."_

_"And I could never ask you to give up your career for me, but you do realize that if we both stay here, we will have to end our relationship. The regs prohibit fraternization between an insubordinate and her commanding officer."_

_"I know, and you have no idea how much my heart is breaking over this decision. I love you so much."_

_"Ok. Here's what I think we should do. We give this career thing a try. We've both seen what pond scum this Apophis is. I know that neither of us can idly sit back while we know that threat is out there. We can pretend that our relationship never happened as to not make people feel uncomfortable around us. Then, if either of us realizes that we made a mistake, one of us can transfer at that time."_

_"It's going to be hard to do...pretend as if this never happened between us."_

_"I know, kiddo. I know."_

She had been so lost in her daydream that she didn't see Dr. Daniel Jackson enter into her lab.

"You okay, Dr. Carter?"

"Sam. Please call me Sam."

"Okay, Sam. I just thought that since we were going to both be a part of SG-1, we should get to know each other a little better."

"Okay."

"So, we'll start with the basics. Do you have someone waiting for you at home at night?"

She could feel the bile churn in her stomach. She looked at her calendar. The wedding would have been scheduled for tomorrow. She quickly sucked up her pride, choked back the bile, and looked Daniel square in the eyes as if to pretend that nothing was wrong.

"No. I'm not seeing anyone, and I've never been married."

"Well, you already know about Sha're. She was it for me. That's why I'm so driven about finding her."

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. She couldn't help but smile to see him standing in the doorway.

"There's my new team. Lunch anyone? I heard it's _Mexican_ today."

"Yes."

"No."

It was Daniel who objected. He just kind of shrugged his shoulders.

"I already ate. Sorry."

Jack came over and patted Daniel on the back.

"That's okay. I guess it will just be Captain Carter and I."

When Daniel turned to leave, she cringed at the words _Captain Carter_. Two weeks ago it had been _Sam, sweetheart_. She could tell by the slight strain in his voice that he was having difficulty as well. It wasn't enough for Daniel to pick up on, but Sam knew Jack better than that.

"Okay, _sir_. Just give me a minute to finish up here."

When he was sure that Daniel was far enough down the hall, he closed Sam's door momentarily.

"I'm having a hard time with this, you know. I miss you, Sam."

"I miss you too, Jack."

"But even still, I think we are doing the right thing, at least _for now_...while there's such a large threat out there. We work well together, Sam. We always have."

"I know and I understand."

Little did they know that one threat would turn into many and that years would pass before the Goa'uld threat would be diminished.


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: If you know it, I don't own it. As this touches on Sam and Jack's relationship over the years, there will be a lot you know with a new twist on it._

...

He grabbed another Guinness from his fridge before heading outside to watch the stars. He couldn't keep his mind from wondering to the events of the last couple of days. Was it horrible that he actually was grateful for the SGC being taken over by a virus that made them regress to Neanderthals? It released their inhibitions. Carter had kissed him. Although she wasn't quite herself, he had felt the hidden passion that they had once had. For a split second, he always let her take over and surrender to the feelings that they had both been hiding, but he had to be the responsible commanding officer. Dr. Frasier said that Carter acted the way she did because she saw him as the leader of the pack, the dominant male, but he knew otherwise. It was just the freedom of her inhibitions that let her act on suppressed feelings.

It had only been a couple of missions prior where he thought that he had lost her forever. She had been kidnapped out of her tent while the boys had been invited to a little shin-dig. Some creep thought that he could use her exceptional beauty to buy another girl. That thought just sickened him. Carter's beauty was a thing to be respected and cherished, not taken for granted. Oh look, now his fantasies were making him see things. He was picturing Carter climbing the ladder up to his platform on the roof like she had done so many times in the past. Wait, no, it really was Carter.

"Hi, sir. Am I interrupting?"

"You? Never? But to what do I owe this visit?"

"I wanted to apologize once again for my actions this week."

"Think nothing of it."

"I can't do that, sir. The truth is, I enjoyed it a little too much. I still miss you sometimes, you know. There are still nights that I dream that we never got stationed at the SGC. I guess a part of me hoped that this would be easier, you know, even though the logical part of me knew that it never would."

"Are you having second thoughts about this?"

"Not really. I love having this opportunity to work side by side with you, knowing the contributions we are making. With that being said, there will always be a part of me that will still wonder. You?"

"The same."

"Well, I should probably get going. It is too beautiful of a night to be out here star-gazing with you."

As she climbed back down the ladder, he couldn't help but sigh. To some, her last statement might have sounded like an excuse to blow him off, but again, he knew her better than that and completely agreed. In the past, nights like this had been the most romantic. He would hold her close and kiss her gently as they sat beneath the glittering stars. Astronomy was a love that they shared, and that made the moments that much more special. For her to have stayed, it would have just reminded them both of the things they could not have at the moment. It would have been too heartbreaking, so he just let her go.

Her heart was pounding as she walked away from his house. There was nothing that she wanted more than to have stayed, to have it be like it once was, but she knew that was an unobtainable goal at this moment in time. At least they could still be good friends. They could still joke around like they used to do. They could still make each other smile. There was still that unspoken connection between them that cannot be easily broken. That was the best part of being in a relationship anyways. Sure, she wanted nothing more than to take him in her arms when one of his best friends, Kawalksy, died. She wanted nothing more than to kiss away his grief and fears. Even still, she knew that he knew she felt that way, and that made all the difference.

...

A couple of months later, the two of them found themselves stranded in Antarctica. Of course, neither of them knew that they were in Antarctica at the time. They were isolated, alone. Even though he was injured, he wanted nothing more than to give in and show her the feelings he still held deep in his heart for her. He also knew, though, that if they gave in even once, even in a place where they would never get caught, it would be the end of all they worked to achieve. Even though it killed him inside, he kept the role of supportive C.O. He knew that she was too preoccupied with his injuries anyways. The best thing that he could do at the moment was keep on joking, try to keep her spirits up.

To say that he thought he was going to die would be an understatement. He knew that his life was drawing to an end. His only wish was that she would survive to live another day. He would have ordered anyone under his command to leave him, find help, survive, but the fact that it was Carter made him that much more determined. When given the choice, he would gladly die so that Carter may live. There would be no question about it.

She knew what he was doing. There wasn't an ounce of her that wanted to leave him there alone, but it wasn't hard to see that their only chance of survival in the long run would be for her to try to find help and bring it back to him. She knew that if she waited much longer, her strength and energy would diminish to the point that finding help would be impossible.

When she reached the surface and realized that finding help was going to be impossible, she slid back down to the cavern. Now injured herself, she made her way back to Jack's side and held him tight. Sure, he called her Sara. He did that sometimes when an event triggered a flashback to his black-op days. That didn't diminish the love that she had for him or the love that she knew he had for her. She couldn't help but thinking that although they surely were going to die, at least she got to die side by side with the man she loved the most. Slowly, she closed her eyes and let the darkness creep in.

Rescue came shortly after, and both of them were going to make a full recovery. This mission would never be forgotten, though, and it served to just strength the already solid bond the two shared together.


	3. Chapter 3

_A.N.: As you can maybe tell, I'm picking what I think are the vital Sam/Jack moments...to explore their hidden feelings towards one another. Once we recap those moments, we'll see what happens ;) Again, if you know it, I do not own it. _

...

This had to be the hardest thing a person could go through. He thought so anyways. Here he was, in the containment area, looking at what someone would assume to be Carter. However, it wasn't Carter, or least he had to keep telling himself that. Whoever this it, it was an impostor set on taking over Carter's body. Little did he know that is was about to get worse. A look of complete anguish crosses over Carter, and it is no longer the Goa'uld talking but Carter herself.

"Oh God, Jack, she's telling the truth."

Trickery. It had to be some sort of trickery, but God, it was breaking his heart. She seemed to be in such pain. He knew that he couldn't let his personal feelings get in the way of doing his job. There were too many risks in his job for him to let that to happen. It wasn't Carter. It _wasn't_ Carter. He just had to keep telling himself as he walked away.

It only got worse when later in the evening, he was holding her lifeless body in his hands. _This can't be happening. I can't be losing Carter_. A million memories began to flash through his head at once...holding in her arms while sitting under the stars, her skating on his pond in Minnesota two winters ago, the day he proposed and she said 'yes', the way her lips caressed his, her laugh, her smile. He didn't even realize that time had passed and that they were both in the infirmary, she in bed and he on a stool beside her.

The fragile pieces of his heart cracked even more when she awoke in a depressed state, feeling guilty that the symbiote sacrificed its life for her. He went into his office, closed the door, and cried for a good half an hour. The stress of the day had gotten to him. His heart wanted nothing more than to hold her, kiss her, show her that it was going to be alright again, but his mind prohibited it. As strong and callused as Jack O'Neill was, he couldn't stop the tears from flowing freely.

...

She couldn't stop the bile from churning in her stomach. She felt hopeless, and that wasn't something she was used to feeling. The man she loved had a metal rod pinning him to the wall of the gate room. Dr. Frasier said that it was a virus, similar to the flesh eating virus. The antibiotics were starting to work, but the Colonel's internal temperature was still rising. There was a huge likelihood that he would not make it through this. She was the intelligent one; she was supposed to know how to fix this. However, she found it extremely hard to concentrate when the man she loved was dying, and she couldn't really tell anyone about it.

_Ah! What if it requires oxygen to grow? If we cut down the oxygen supply, would it die down?_ She had been right about that, but wrong in thinking it was the approach they needed to take. It wasn't until she realized that they needed to talk to the entity that they started to make progress. However, the thought of letting the entity completely take over the Colonel made her nausea grow worse. It completely shattered her heart when she disconnected his pain medication. Her body wanted to scream in anger, but she knew that she had to keep her professionalism. Plus, she knew that if given the choice, this is what the Colonel would have chosen for himself. She knew him well enough to know that was true. _Please let this work. Please don't let the Colonel go through this for nothing_.

Later, when he was in the infirmary, she ran to the bathroom to finally empty the contents of her stomach. Then, she slid down against the stall door and bawled her eyes out.

...

He wanted to punch that guy out. Martouf? Was that his name? Not that it mattered...he should not be looking at Carter that way. The two of them were sitting there, hand in hand, starring into each others eyes. It didn't seem like that long ago when Carter used to look at him like that, hold his hand like that. It wasn't like he could do anything to stop it. The agreement was that they were going to both stay committed to the SGC. He couldn't hardly ask her to hold off on living a life until the world was free from intergalactic danger. That didn't mean that he had to like it. He surely didn't have to like it.

...

She awoke to him gently nudging her shoulder and calling her name. _Wait? He's alive? No, this can't be. They told me he had died along with the others. _A sense of relief washed over her as she realized that it was, indeed, her Colonel.

Then, moments later, as he held her tight against the column to protect her from the approaching enemy, she couldn't help but feel his warmth pressed up against her. If she had her way, time would freeze just like this. She took the moment to breath him in, relish this rare-occurring opportunity. Although they were in a very dangerous situation, she trusted him with every drop of her being. His embrace said it all, and although the moment was gone way too soon, it would be a moment treasured.

To say that the day was stressful would be the understatement of the century. She almost lost him as a Goa'uld host. Now she fully understood the pain that Daniel faced every day that Sha're was gone...that utter despair knowing what they would have to go through, or are going through, as a host. It made the job of getting rid of Hathor that much more guilt-free.

Before she knew it, she had Jack in her arms. He was scared; she could tell, but his embrace was full of love. It was an embrace that said it all without them having to say anything at all. The love between them was still burning strong.


	4. Chapter 4

Time continued on, as it tends to do. The nights got a little easier, the days a little less stressful. As the work became more demanding, the focus on what could have been outside of work began to fade. The what-ifs were replaced with the what-is-nows. That was until she came through that blasted mirror.

He couldn't believe this sight before his eyes. It was Dr. Samantha Carter, alright, but then again, it wasn't. She came through the mirror with his ol' pal Kawalsky. Talk about a double shocker! Then, the alternate Sam proceeds to say that in her reality, they were married. If that wasn't a blow, then nothing really was. There was a reality out there were all of his dreams came true. Unfortunately, that reality was getting attacked by the Goa'uld, and his other self was dead, but it was still amazing. This Samantha Carter represented his heart's desires. He couldn't help but be jealous.

Sam couldn't help but feel jealous as well. Here was this woman, her for lack of a better way to put it, standing there, knowing what it was like to be married to Jack O'Neill. It was tearing her up inside. However, she had one thing going for her that the other Sam didn't...military discipline. She also knew that she could not live in jealousy. She was proud of who she had become. Sure, things could have been drastically different had she not joined the military, as this other self would show, but she worked hard to get to where she was today. She just had to suck it up to get this job done. Then, she would just have to repress the memory deep in her subconscious. It was what needed to be done.

As the mission ended, he couldn't help but let this alternate Samantha kiss him goodbye. All the while, he pretended that is was the Sam that he knew and loved.

...

Jack couldn't explain it, but he felt like the impossible was happening. With each mission, he was falling more and more in love with Carter. He knew her well before, very well actually, but working side by side for so long had shown a new strength and courage, not to mention intelligence, in her. She was one hell of a second in command. He knew he couldn't work nearly as well without her, and he could only imagine how amazing his personal life would be with her by his side.

Then, SG-1 stepped foot on Edora. Nowhere in the plans that he was making involved getting stranded on a foreign planet for one hundred days. Sure he missed Carter. He missed everything about Earth, but he got to the point where he had to start believing he might never see Earth again. He took comfort in Laira. Why not? She was beautiful. She liked him. It could possibly work, and he was just so lonely. He knew that he could never forget the life he had on Earth, but Laira provided a distraction that at least seemed to help when nothing else really did.

Ah, but alas, Carter, being Carter, devised a rescue plan, and Teal'c made it through. It only took one look at the one he used to love to know where he belonged. God, had he missed the heck out of her. It was definitely time to go home.

...

_Ok, why does trouble always seem to find us when things seem to be going so well_? Jack was pissed to say the least. He knew that they shouldn't have trusted the Tok'ra. He didn't like the look of that woman from the moment she stepped through the stargate. _Anise. What kind of a name in Anise anyways?_ Ok, so he was having some major anger issues, but a force field separated Carter and him, and a bunch of C-4 was going to blow them to smithereens. He thought that he was well within his rights to be slightly angry.

He hated that look on her face. It was a look of love, of longing. She was pleading with him to leave her, but he couldn't do that. There was no way in hell that he was going to leave Carter. There had to be a way to get her out of there. There just had to be. He took the closest thing he could and started to hammer away at the control panel to no prevail.

"Sir, there's no time."

He then proceeded to hammer at the force shield.

"Sir, just go."

"NO!"

He realized that there was nothing he could do. His gut feeling told him that Carter was about to die, and he couldn't move. He saw that look in her eyes. The same feeling echoed within him. He couldn't leave her there to die alone. If she was going, he was to.

It was then that the force shield collapsed, and they made a break for it. Little did they know that they were going to have to face this situation again in questioning.

He sat, face to face with Anise, and was forced to admit it. He looked at Carter, who gave him the pleading look.

"Sir."

"I didn't leave because I'd of rather died myself than lose Carter."

"Why?"

"Because I care about her...a lot more than I'm supposed to."


	5. Chapter 5

People might have thought of him as rude and crude, a little rough around the edges, a little too sarcastic, etc., but Jack always did his best to go by his moral instincts when possible. He sat in his office, holding the piece of paper that contained his resignation. He just wasn't sure he could go through with it. You see, time was going to restart in fifteen minutes, and nobody but Teal'c and him would remember what occurred. His plan was to turn in his resignation so that he could spend a couple glorious moments with Carter before time restarted. Technically, no harm would be done. Time would restart and nobody would be the wiser, but that is where his morals kicked in. Could he kiss someone with the knowledge that they would not remember it in five minutes? Then, he thought about what he thought Carter would do in his situation, and he smiled.

The look on Hammond's face was priceless. It would be something that Jack would never forget. That kiss, though, took the cake. He took her in his arms, and with all the romance he could muster, kissed her squarely on the lips. She didn't fight him. She became completely swept up in his arms, just like she used to. He could have stayed like that forever.

Unfortunately, a moment later, he was in the cafeteria eating fruit loops. God, he was really starting to hate fruit loops, but Carter looked so lovely. He couldn't help but stare at her in remembrance for the rest of that time loop. That one moment in time almost made up for all the ones who couldn't take.

...

There she was, working on a release valve. What was her name again? Thera? He could not remember a time when he had been taken such in awe at a woman. Granted, he couldn't remember too much past arriving at this place. Maybe there was another great love in his life at some point. Maybe not. All Jonah knew was that this woman was something special. He felt so out of place working here. It just didn't feel right. Something always seemed a little amiss. Then, he became aware of Thera, and she just felt right. He couldn't explain it, but in his heart, he felt a connection with her that went above and beyond anything he could remember.

Over the next few days, their bond grew as they instantly became good friends. He couldn't help but think of how her friendship made this place almost bearable. Things were getting down to being routine. Nobody saw the dispute between Karlan and him coming. Then, the man that they call Tor said something ridiculous about how they didn't belong there. That's when it all started to feel wrong again...all except Thera, that is.

Slowly, the memories started to return, one by one. It wasn't long before they were found out. In Brenna's office, when all was revealed and memories came back in force, he knew that his heart was slowly breaking once again. He was Jack O'Neill, and he was the commanding officer to this woman with whom he had developed such intimate feelings. He remembered their relationship in the past, and he knew that she remembered, too. A look of disappointment covered her face. Things had to go back to the way they were.

...

Her father was not moving fast enough. She knew that he was limited but how fast the scout ship could fly, but that just wasn't fast enough. Jack and Teal'c were dying out in that defective glider, and that was just unacceptable. Jacob had never known about her past relationship with Jack. Until Jacob became host to Selmac, their relationship was strained on the best of days. Her father knew that she was going to get married, but he never had met the man. When the wedding was called off for unknown reasons, he never brought it up. Now she was depending on her father to save the man that she loved, and she couldn't even tell him that.

The scout ship pulled out of hyper drive and began its final approach towards the glider. The view wasn't all that encouraging. Both passengers appeared to unconscious at least, but that didn't mean they weren't alive. Her father decided to use the scout ship to nudge them back to consciousness. She thought it was a crazy idea, but it worked. Thank God. She felt like a giant wait was lifted off of her shoulders. Although he was severely oxygen deprived, he was alive. That was all that mattered at that moment, keeping them both that way.

She had to connect with him. She just had to. There was no other choice. She did not travel across the galaxy for him to just die on her. That was inexcusable. Finally, with one giant leap of faith, both Jack and Teal'c were back inside the scout ship. She sighed a huge sigh of relief, relished in the sight of him improving by the second, and went back to business as usual.

...

There wasn't a single day that went by that Jack O'Neill did not see what a valuable asset Carter had become to the program. She was brilliant, absolutely brilliant. She was cherished by many. That is what had made the current situation so rough. There sat Carter, in the infirmary bed. However, once again, it wasn't really Carter.

She had wanted to communicate with it, learn from it, do what she does best. That thing took advantage of her good nature. That's what pissed him off the most. She was such a wonderful, kind person. That stupid thing saw that and used that to its own advantage. That was just not right. Nothing about the situation was right. He just wanted his Carter back.

He had to double zat her. There was no choice. That thing was trying to regain access to the base's mainframe. It was the fate that Carter would have chosen for herself had she been able to make the choice. That didn't make it any better. It didn't bring Carter's brain-dead body back to life. It was the hardest thing he ever had to do. There was no doubt about it. Now, he sat vigil at her bedside while Dr. Frasier explained Sam's "no extraordinary means" order. He understood. It wasn't that he didn't understand. He just wasn't ready to let her go yet. It was then that the computers around the base started to go crazy.

I am here. I am here. I am here. I am here. I am here. I am here. I am here. I am here. I am here.

She was screaming out to them. At first, he didn't believe it. He thought that stupid thing was trying to trick them once again. He was still too heartbroken to see the truth. It wasn't until Daniel pointed out the obvious that Jack saw Sam screaming. The grief instantly turned into ease as he knew she was going to be okay. He still could not shake the guilt of having to pull that trigger. He knew it was something he was probably going to have to live with for a long time. At least she was safe. He knew he would be okay as long as she was safe.


	6. Chapter 6

There was a knock on her lab door, but she didn't look up to see who it was. Ever since she walked in this morning, she was doing her very best to keep preoccupied with work. So far, it had been working.

"Come in."

He walked into the lab and shut the door behind him. Silently, he sat on the stool on the other side of the table from her, champagne glasses and all.

"Oh hey, sir. I was just making some necessary adjustments to this naquadah generator."

It was then that she really noticed him and what he had brought in.

"What's all this?"

"Well, officially, it's to celebrate surviving our last mission. Unofficially..."

"Five years."

Had things worked out differently between them, it would have been their five year wedding anniversary. She just smiled a bittersweet smile.

"I wasn't sure that you remembered things like that, sir."

"Of course I do."

"I can't imagine how differently our lives would be. I mean, think of all we've done in the last five years. Think of all the advances we've made."

"I know. My only regret is that we couldn't of had it both ways. However, this is how I have learned to deal with it over the past five years. If we had gotten married, one or both of us wouldn't be here. Not only would we not have got to experience all the wonders that we have had working here, but there's a good chance that things would have worked out differently at the SGC, and we would have faced world domination by now. However, by choosing to both join the SGC and work side by side, I still get to see you almost every day. I get to laugh with you, smile with you, cry with you. I've saved your life, and you've saved mine."

She just nodded, agreeing fully. She, too, had thought those very thoughts in a vain effort to get through the past five years and move on with her life. So, she made a toast, not to what could have been but to what was and what could still be.

...

If there was a deeper pain than having a loved one MIA, then she did not know about it. She could handle him being injured, but this way, she didn't even know if he was alive or not. To make matters worse, this was the second time that she had to go through this in one year.

The first time had been when the colonel had accepted a Tok'ra symbiote. The symbiote's actions left him at the hands of Ba'al to be tortured over and over again, but at the time, the SGC had been clueless to where he was. She had been devastated but determined to get him back. She had hoped that if she loved him enough, he could feel it and have the strength to make it through. She knew that her thoughts lacked logic, but for once, she didn't care. It had been too soon since Daniel's death, and the grief was beginning to get to her. She had no idea that Daniel was actually helping him survive. What had made matters even worse is that when they did find out where he was, there was no way that they, personally, could go in and rescue him. She was powerless. All she could do is sit back, wait, and hope that Lord Yu's attack would provide Jack with what he needed to escape.

Now, this time, he and Maybourne disappeared through an energy field. Although she had nothing to feel guilty about, she couldn't help it. She was the only other person there with the two of them when they disappeared. She should have done something, anything else, to have prevented it from happening. She knew that the Colonel would never blame her for this, but that didn't stop her from blaming herself. Maybourne had used her zat weapon against her.

A week had passed and they had gained no information from studying the arch and found no life signs on the planet. The grief was too much for her. She broke down in tears in the locker room, only to have Teal'c find her there. She had lost Daniel, and now, had probably lost Jack. At least she still had Teal'c, so after some reluctance, she accepted the comfort from him.

It was her new friend, Jonas, that solved the problem. They found the Colonel on the moon of the planet he had disappeared from, injured but alive. As in previous mention, she could handle him being injured so long as she knew he was alive.

...

For those who believe in karma, Jack O'Neill got slapped in the face with it. This time, almost a year later, it was _Carter_ who was missing, and he was left on base to worry about _her_. The Prometheus was past due for contact and couldn't be tracked down. The galaxy was such a big place, and they could be technically anywhere. Hopefully, they stayed close to their route, but he knew that sometimes things don't always go as planned.

He didn't like to send her on missions by herself. Granted, she was with the other crew members, but that's not what he meant. He didn't like to send her on missions without _him_. It wasn't that he felt she was incapable of taking care of herself. Carter was more than capable of taking care of herself, but he still wanted to be there with her, protecting her in any way he could. He just had to keep telling himself _if you love her, let her go._ He didn't know how symbolic that would actually become. He just had to have faith that she would find her way back.

He didn't know that at that moment in time, she was having a vision of him on board the Prometheus. It would be a conversation that would be a huge turning point in her mind. Jack O'Neill was a safe bet. She knew that he loved her deeply and always would, but he was unobtainable. As it currently stood, a relationship beyond friendship between them was not reasonable. She needed to move on, for both of them. He deserved to be able to move on as well, find happiness elsewhere, as much as it killed her inside.

_If you love them, let them go (in hopes that they will one day return to you)._


	7. Chapter 7

_A.N.: So the last chapter hit a pivotal step in Jack and Sam's relationship. It was the huge turning step that we all wish didn't happen but knew it had to. At some point, they would have to move on. If you love someone, you have to let them go. If it truly is your soul mate, they will find you again. Just remember that. The story is now going to start to drift away from the flashbacks and start to take on a life of its own. There will still be flashbacks because this is still taking place with the events of the SGC that we know and love, but you will start to see things that we didn't see during the television series._

_..._

Oh no. She was humming. It had finally happened. She had met someone new, and although she had relationships with men since they had broken up so many years ago, this guy had to be different. It didn't matter to him that his name was Pete or that he was a cop. All that mattered is that this guy had made her hum. He knew that he had to be strong for her, pretend to be happy for her. She had waited long enough. He didn't blame her. In fact, he knew that is what she needed to do. She deserved to be happy.

...

Jacob was sitting by her bed in the infirmary when he approached. He had just helped rescue her from Anubis's super soldier, and she had collapsed from the extend of her injuries. He grabbed a stool and sat down beside her father. The action didn't seem to phase Jacob one bit. It was almost as if Jacob had expected it to happen. They were alone in the infirmary.

"Jack, can I ask you a personal question, man to man?"

"Sure, Jacob. Of course you can."

"Do you have feelings for my daughter?"

The comment made him choke on the air he was breathing.

"Uh...Jacob...you do know she's seeing Pete now, right?"

"Yes, but that wasn't the question but it is the reason I'm asking it. I've seen you two work side by side in battle. I've felt the deep connection between the two of you. When Sam told me that she was seeing someone, I thought for sure her next statement was going to be that you retired. I'm not saying that this Pete character isn't good for her, I just always thought it would be you. So, do you care to tell me why I would think that?"

He felt a wave of defeat pass over him. Jacob Carter was too smart of a match for him.

"I'm surprised that you don't know. I mean, I knew that at the time, Carter and you didn't have a very close relationship, but I thought you would have known..."

"Jack, what in blazes are you talking about?"

"You do know that over seven years ago, your daughter was about to get married, right? And she called it off for personal reasons?"

He knew that Jacob was beginning to understand. Flashbacks started to flood Jacob's mind to the day he found out his only daughter was going to be getting married. She had still been so mad at him.

_"Honey, all I want to know is if he's going to be good enough for you."_

_"Of course he is, Dad. I don't know why you always have to question my decisions."_

_"Well, I'm sorry, but you haven't told me the least thing about him, and then you come out of the blue and tell me that you are marrying him. What am I supposed to think?"_

_"All you need to know is that he makes me happy. Frankly, the decision doesn't even concern you. I was just being courteous by calling. If you really must know, though, his name is Jack. He's a Colonel in the air force." _

It all made sense now.

"Oh, Jack. I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"We called off the wedding when we realized that we were needed here. I became her commanding officer, and a personal relationship just wasn't allowed."

"What am I going to say now when she asks what I think of her dating Pete?"

"Tell her what she needs to hear...that its wonderful and about time. She needs this relationship, Jacob. She needs to have someone who can make her happy in ways I haven't been able to. She deserves someone to come home to at night."

"Do you still love her?"

"Always. I will always love her."

They sat there for a few minutes in silence. There wasn't really anything left to say, and as much as he wanted to be there when she awoke, he knew that was something Jacob needed to do this time. He gave her one last look of longing, patted Jacob on the back, and walked away.

He knew that the relationship between Carter and Pete must only have gotten stronger, but the truth is, he didn't want to know the details. He was happy for her, but he still mourned for himself. He had no way of knowing that she secretly felt the same way about him still.

She awoke a couple of minutes later. Although she was as happy as ever to see her father alive and well, her heart couldn't help but ache. This was the first time that she could remember where Jack was not there beside her when she came back to consciousness.


	8. Chapter 8

She was just pretending to listen to Pete talking across the table. The sad thing was that he didn't even seem to notice, and for once, she didn't feel bad about thinking about another man. Jack was sitting at home, probably alone, knowing that there was a good probability of this being his last weekend alive. He shouldn't have to go through this alone. Nobody should have to go through something like that alone. She threw down her napkin.

"I'm sorry, Pete, but I'm just not hungry, and I really should get back to work. I have something important waiting for me."

"But it's Friday afternoon. What could possibly be that important that it can't wait until Monday?"

"I'm sorry, but I have to go."

Before she knew it, she was at his house, standing before him, with some lame excuse about driving around and just happening to wind up there. There wasn't anywhere else that she would rather be. Her only regret was that Daniel and Teal'c showed up before she could say what she really wanted to say.

Later, in Antarctica, people were cheering all around her. Jack had saved the world with the Ancient weapon. She was sure that it probably was a good reason to celebrate, but her heart couldn't rejoice. He had just put himself in stasis, and she wanted nothing more than to hold him tight one last time. She softly let her hand linger on the stasis capsule, wanting desperately to prolong her time there with him before she would have to go back to Colorado to a man who wouldn't understand. She didn't want to turn back towards her team because she didn't want them to see the tears building in her eyes.

...

She awoke on Orilla after the replicator attacks. She wasn't quite sure of how she had gotten to where she was, but she knew that the replicators were gone. She felt violated and alone until she saw the people who mattered most in her life. Best of all, Jack was there and was alive and well. The fact alone made all of her troubles just seem to disappear.

...

Even though the connection between her and Jack was only getting stronger, her life outside of him was proving to get stronger as well. Two weeks had passed since Pete proposed. She could say 'yes.' What did it mean when if she couldn't say 'yes'? She was so confused. She realized that she had just got heated when talking to Daniel and Teal'c about society's pressure on women to get married and have families. The pressure was real. She was just so confused.

He stood in front of her desk, pretending to need a report from her. Something was bothering her. He could tell. Then, she pulled out the ring.

She wanted him to take her into his arms. She wanted him to tell her not to do it, not to get married to someone else, but he didn't. He would never do that to her. She knew that, and it killed her.

He pretended to be happy for her, to encourage her to move on with her life. He felt that it was the right thing to do.

So, she told Pete 'yes'. The fact remained that she wasn't getting any younger. How much longer was she supposed to wait for him to come sweep her away? She had been kidding herself to think that life could be perfect. She knew what she had been giving up when they agreed to both join the SGC and when the threats grew more and more real, she knew that there would come a day when she would possibly have to move on with her life. Why not Pete? He loved her. He did his best to understand her work even though he rarely came close. He had proven that he would devote his life to her. She figured she would learn to love him back.

...

She felt like she was crazy. She was getting married for Christ's sake! She should be happy about it, but instead, every wedding plan felt forced. She didn't think Pete noticed which was probably a good thing. She didn't want to disappoint him. However, it was someone who knew her better than that who called her out on it.

She was sitting alone in her lab when Daniel came knocking on the door. He hesitantly closed the door behind him, and she raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

"Sam, can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Daniel. What's up?"

He sat down on the stool beside her, and she could tell that he was choosing his words wisely.

"Are you happy?"

"Of course I am."

"Are you? I mean, because I've known a lot of bride-to-be's, and you are acting like none of them. It almost seems like you are, I don't know, _dreading_ this wedding."

She didn't know what to say. She had been trying so hard to cover up her true feelings. He didn't have to wait for her response.

"Ok, so I'm just going to come out and say it, and it might sound crazy, and for that I'm sorry..."

"Daniel..."

"Is it because of Jack?"

She choked on the air in surprise.

"I'm sorry, but I've just worked with you guys from day one. I guess I saw something there that maybe wasn't, but I just thought I'd ask in case it was the question that needed asking and you needed to talk about it. I'm concerned about you, Sam."

She thought about all the little moments Daniel had probably seen between her and Jack...the smiles, the laughs, the understanding. She thought about how Daniel had to practically pry her away from the outpost in Antarctica. She knew that Daniel knew, but she also knew that she could never admit it.

"I'm fine, Daniel...but thanks for asking."

Daniel just nodded. He understood more than she thought he did.


	9. Chapter 9

_A.N.: sorry, this chapter is short, but I felt that this conversation deserved its one chapter. _

_..._

The clock on her night stand read midnight. She couldn't help it. She couldn't sleep. Her mind was racing with everything that had happened in her life lately. Her eyes had finally opened to the lies she had been telling herself, and she finally had gained the courage to do something about it. She knew that she had to call the one person who would understand.

He had purposely stayed up. He knew that it was a long shot that she would call him for support, but he wanted to be available for her is she did. Needless to say, he didn't even need to ask who it was when he picked up the phone. However, he didn't want it to seem like he had been hoping for her phone call.

"General O'Neill speaking."

"Sir? Did I wake you?"

Her voice caused a smile to creep up on him.

"No, but it wouldn't have made a difference if you had. I told you _always_, and I wouldn't have lied to you, Carter."

There was silence on the line. It had been a traumatic week as the military had to say goodbye to one of the best Generals out there, General Jacob Carter. They faced world annihilation by Anubis, and they welcomed back a dear friend which whom they were afraid they had lost. He didn't know that it had been even more emotionally exhausting for her than just that. She didn't know what to say, or how to say it, so she just let it all out.

"I broke it off with Pete this afternoon."

"You did WHAT?"

"He was the perfect guy but not the perfect guy for _me_. I just can't explain it, and frankly, I don't really think that I need to."

"Carter, you just lost your father. I don't know how wise it is to be making life altering decisions right now."

"You see, sir, that's where you're wrong. My mind is the clearest its ever been. I'm not sitting here mourning my father's death. I'm sitting here celebrating his life. He wanted me to find love, to be happy. He knew that Pete wasn't right for me, and he knew that I knew that Pete wasn't right for me. I keep going over and over in my mind how I feel like I let him down by letting him die before I had the chance to acknowledge that."

The line went silence again as she tried to think about how to express her feelings.

"My father should have died four years ago. Instead, he was given a second chance and used it to live life to the fullest. So, you see sir, you're wrong. Now is the time for me to make life altering decisions because I see now that you can't waste your life away. Not all of us are given a second chance."

He didn't know what to say, but he knew that she was speaking from her heart. He knew she was smart enough to actually take that life lesson and do it right. He just wasn't expecting what came next.

"Sir, I'm transferring from the SGC."

"What?!"

He felt pangs of fear in the depths of his stomach. She was leaving. He felt the air get caught up in his throat because to picture her not in his day to day life was almost too much to handle.

"I am requesting a transfer to Area 51 to work on the hyperdrive engines for the _Daedalus. _I know that you have planned a fishing trip in Minnesota for a couple weeks from now with Daniel, Teal'c, and I. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't mention it to the others until after that."

"Carter, why in blazes would you leave? We need you here." _I need you here_.

She could hear the desperation in his voice. She could also hear the hurt. All she could do was hope that he would eventually pick up on her intentions.

"Like I said, my mind has never been clearer. I know what I want in life, and I know that this is what I have to do to get it. I'm no longer going to let the military stand in the way of what I want in life. I just hope that the risk proves to be worth it in the end."

She quickly hung the phone up before she could say anything more. She didn't want to beg. She didn't want to sound desperate. She wanted him to come to his own conclusions.


	10. Chapter 10

_A.N.: sorry it took so long to get this chapter up. My sister got married, and I was quite busy all weekend._

_..._

Two weeks had passed since she left, and her words kept on echoing in his head. _I'm no longer going to let the military stand in the way of what I want in life. I just hope that the risk proves to be worth it in the end. _He thought he knew the message she was trying to send, but what if he was wrong? They had both waited for so long. Eight years had gone by, and their relationship had formed into a solid friendship instead of the new romance it once had been. He had come to terms with her moving on. In doing so, he had given up on the thought of them being together again. He just wasn't sure he could handle getting his hopes up to find out he was wrong and she didn't want him back.

He found himself driving past her old house once again. It looked so deserted. A 'for rent' sign occupied the front yard, but by the look of it, there still wasn't any bidders. _Why did she have to go?_ It was then that he felt the tears starting to roll down his cheek. He wanted to stay strong but couldn't help it. He mourned the relationship that he now had lost twice.

At the end of the road, he threw the car into reverse and whipped a u-turn. He drove west until he crossed the Colorado/Utah border. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew this was crazy. Surely, he should of at least called someone to tell them where he was going, but he let all logic go out the window. He took a deep breathe and kept driving west through Utah. Hopefully, by morning, he would be in Nevada.

...

She collapsed onto the couch. The day couldn't have ended any sooner. She liked her new position at Area 51, but it just wasn't the same. The people weren't the same. On the small end table next to her sat a beloved picture of herself with three of the people she would have rather been with on that particular day.

The clock on the entertainment center said 1830. She couldn't help but smile. He would be watching _The Simpsons_ right about now. _Oh what the heck!_ She grabbed the remote and turned it on. He hadn't called, and she felt that at least this would connect her to him in a small way.

...

The sun was just peeking through the horizon when his car made his way into Nevada. He knew that it would be futile to try to go to her apartment at this time of the day. In all the years he had worked with her, she had never called in sick. She would be heading to work soon. What he didn't know was that the _Daedalus _crew had been given a long week of down time while they waited for desperately needed parts.

He pulled into a small coffee shop just inside of her town. His heart skipped a beat when he saw a bike that looked like hers parked outside. He just sighed and shook his head. For the past two weeks, everything was reminding him of her. He saw things like this all over the place.

As he finished paying at the counter and grabbed his coffee, his eyes caught the sight of someone familiar sitting in the back of the shop. He felt paralyzed; he couldn't move an inch. The other customers must have thought he was nuts, but he couldn't help but stare. Slowly, she looks up to see him standing there. Their eyes catch, and before he knew it, he was standing right in front of her, as aw-struck as ever.

"Carter."

"Sir. What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work."

"Pa-shaw. I came to see you. What are you doing here? I thought for sure that you'd be knee deep in calculations by this time of day."

"We were given a long weekend."

"And you're actually taking it?"

She couldn't help but smile. He had a way of doing that to her.

"I was going to. I need the time away right now. I mean, Area 51 is great and all, but it just doesn't feel like home yet."

"Then that settles it. You're spending the day with me. That is, unless you already have other plans..."

"No!"

She said that 'no' a little too fast. She thought that she maybe even sounded a little desperate, but she didn't care at that point. _Why does he have to be just so damn charming_? He smiled at her, and she smiled back. They both had things they wanted to say, but neither of them dared to utter a word of it. The moment was perfect, and they both knew that deep in their hearts, the conversation coming up would change their worlds as they both knew it, for good or for bad.

He took her hand and led her out of the coffee shop. They left her bike behind as they drove away in his car together. For the first time in a long time, things were beginning to feel right between them again.


	11. Chapter 11

The day was absolutely perfect, in Jack's mind anyways. He couldn't remember the last time he had enjoyed himself so thoroughly. They went for lunch at a quiet little diner ten minutes out of town. Afterwards, they went to go see the newest alien attack movie in theaters. When the rest of the audience was screaming, they were laughing with each other over the inaccuracy of it all. He loved going to space movies with her. Afterwards was dinner at the fancy place Sam could recommend. She wore this beautiful dark blue dress that matched her eyes. He couldn't help but stare for the majority of the evening. They then went to a small little cliff and were laying on the hood of his car, star gazing. Somehow, it all felt right. He knew that he couldn't hold off the inevitable conversation forever, though.

"I took a job in Washington."

"You WHAT? Washington? Really? _You_?"

"I know. Shocking, right? Seriously, though. They want me to work in the higher ranks of the program, in the Homeworld Security division."

"Are you sure? You love Stargate Command."

"So did you."

There was a awkward moment of silence as they both contemplated what he just said.

"Daniel wants to go to _Atlantis_ once the _Daedalus_ is flight ready. Teal'c is going to Da'kara. You're stationed here. I can't be there without you guys."

"But sir, there are still a lot of people left at the SGC that you care about. Siler, Walter, Felger..."

"FELGER?"

"Well, okay, but you know what I mean."

"No, it's not the same. They aren't _you_. Things haven't been the same since you left. I can't walk those halls when you aren't there, Sam."

Her stomach filled with butterflies. He hadn't called her Sam for the longest time. It was always 'Carter' or her current rank at the time. She was so unsure of what to say.

"Is that the reason you came here? To tell me that you were leaving Cheyenne Mountain?"

"Of course not. Listen, Sam. We gave up our relationship for our job. I still think that was the correct course of action. I don't regret our decision. We can't just go back as much as I want to."

She just nodded in disappointment. He could see the hurt start to gather in her eyes. He softly grabbed her chin so that they were looking eye to eye.

"Hey, now. That doesn't mean that I don't want to try again. So we may have to start over a little bit, but we have one heck of a friendship guarding our sixes on this one. There's no one else I'd rather take that fateful leap with."

"So what exactly are you wanting, Jack? Because I need to know. I need to know what you want from me."

"I'm not asking for marriage, at least not yet. We were at that point once, but a lot has changed since then. We need to get to know each other again before we can even consider that."

"So?"

"So, I have no plan, Sam. I just want to see you. I want to be able to hold you tight and tell you that everything is going to be alright when you have had a bad day. I came here because I missed you. I can't live life without you in it. That just doesn't work for me. Not anymore. I don't want to sacrifice our love anymore"

She pulled him into a deep kiss, and her actions spoke louder than words ever could. For the time being, the details didn't seem to matter. They didn't care that they would be living on opposite sides of the country. They didn't care that they would have to explain this to all of their friends. All that mattered at that moment was each other.

...

They found themselves standing face to face in front of their family and friends. Everyone was there. Even Teal'c and Jonas had made the journey back from their prospective planets for the event. None of that seemed to matter, though. The rest of the world seemed to disappear the moment they said 'I do'. Today was the ten year anniversary of the date set for the original wedding, and all the sacrifices in the world now seemed worth it for just this one moment in time.

The End.


End file.
